This Isn’t a Poem About You.

i.

Our eyes meet across the bar.
I look away.
When I look back,
there is someone else in your seat.

ii.

(I’m not sure you were ever really there.)

iii.

There was a time
when you were the first
person I looked for when I
entered a room

iv.

You were with me
like a daydream.
Your fingers caressed, squeezed, clawed
at me, my clothes, me
but your eyes
saw something else.
(Someone else.)

v.

I saw her at the store the other day.
She was ahead of me in line
and I stared at her.
It took too long for me to recognize her.
She opened her mouth and I left
without buying anything.
Left my cart right there in the aisle.

vi.

I used to constantly remind you
to pick up your clothes, the groceries,
a movie.
I wonder
if you would have loved me
if I’d picked the movies,
the restaurant,
anything that would have created a memory
you might miss.

vii.

You don’t miss me. You’re just
lonely.
I’m lonely too. (I’m missing.)

viii.

I told you that I’d choose
my cat over you
and you laughed.
I can’t remember the sound of your laugh anymore
but I still miss him more than I miss you.
(I guess I wasn’t kidding.)

ix.

He slept beside my head
the day you left.
I slept too.
My tears had run out months before.
It took longer to realize that you’d never really been “here.”

x.

There’s a drink on the counter.
The bartender said it’s there if I want it,
(You never learned to be sorry,
and I always told you it was okay.)
but I don’t want anything
he’s able to give me.

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